When the heart breaks...

In the last three years, I have had a lover in another country.

But before I dive in, let's rewind the clock...

I was emerging out of one of the most toxic relationships of my life. It brought me down to my knees and shattered every sense of self I had. I plunged myself into my work and dedicated my time and efforts to the craft I humbly offer in every class.
It has been worthwhile and so brilliantly amazing... But I didn't know it until three years ago that there was a piece of me that was lost when I came out of that relationship.

When I met my lover, the gift he gave me was that happy reminder of the woman I once was and would continue evolving to be. A woman who is steadfast in her femininity, powerful with a graceful fragility, courageously vulnerable, comfortable displaying her sensuality and charged with shakti.

And as time passed within the last three years, I've penned outrageously romantic moments with this man. Everything, like a scene from the gooiest romantic film starring the likes of Ryan Gosling

(Like this scene from The Notebook).

Our lives will be peppered with people coming in and out of our spheres of existence. Each of them will offer you a valuable lesson... Sometimes, these lessons are hard, sometimes these lessons are beautiful, sometimes these lessons are lifting and sometimes these lessons will break your heart.

Human nature is a funny thing and we hold on and replay and hope to relive certain aspects. But time... Well, it doesn't work like that.

I was gifted with the realization that I could reclaim the woman I left in the dust in my journey as a teacher over 3 years ago. But, drunk with ambrosia like feelings... I started to hold on to something else in hopes to replay and relive those wildly romantic moments. In effect, shutting me off from anybody else and anchoring me to an idea, a scene from a movie, a piece of wonderland.

And so... I bid farewell with so much love and so much respect for this man. The universe conspired and worlds collided to bring our paths together again in this version of our lives. A touch and kiss so tender and familiar that it must have happened in a previous lifetime... It's just not the right timing in this one.

A great and inspirational friend said to me once, "time is all but an illusion. Time-ING, is everything". (Thanks Peter Jack!)

And so... my heart breaks in a strangely beautiful way. The seams, splitting apart and exposing the raw and authentic vulnerability that lies within us all. I wept for the loss and reserve the right to cry again at a later date, perhaps when I am reminded of him. But, there was a sense of calm even as I cried because I knew. I knew.

When the heart breaks... It opens.

When your heart breaks, it blasts open

Gratitude changes everything

A video posted by Kate Mak (@katewmak) on Mar 28, 2015 at 7:07pm PDT

Today, my second yoga retreat in Bali starts and there are about 18 people who have taken a leap of faith, said yes and made their way with a flight across the Pacific ocean to join me. I am SO excited to share, write and pen another chapter of my life with all of the wonderful people.

I know that I did not get here alone and it has been years of work, support and love that have gotten me here in the middle of a rice paddy in beautiful and blissful Bali in addition to this stage in my career. 

(It feels like I'm about to do some Oscar acceptance speech stuff)... 

Thank you to my family. Especially my parents. Growing up in an Asian family who immigrated from Hong Kong, I know that my family had great hopes that I would be a doctor (of course). So, when I told them I was leaving my neuroscience lab in pursuit of this yoga thing it definitely wasn't expected. But, they have been supportive and to my father who works so hard to give his family every luxury in life, thank you for working this hard so that I have the great opportunity to choose where I want my life to go. 

Thank you to every single student who has hit the mat with me. Without you, I cannot evolve. Every single time that I teach, I learn just as much from you all as you may be from me. It is an exchange of energy, of life, or experiences and of knowledge. The way I teach is constantly in a flux of evolution as I learn and adapt alongside you all. It doesn't matter if you have only practiced with me just once, a handful of times, several months or years... there's gratitude for you and a deep well of love. 

Thank you to my Lululemon family for always supporting me in everything I do and for asking me what my dreams are (and to hold me accountable to them). Thanks to Reggie bear for always being my #1 supporter, I know that you and others (April Miranda, Don Shipton, Anna Smith, Kim Dykes) spoke so highly of me and helped me get my ambassdorship. Thank you Lindsay White-O'Neil for picking me of the many to represent the Chinook store. Thank you Cara Kingstone for being a pillar of support, love and inspiration for me... you have gone above and beyond for me!! Thank you my lems (former and current) from every part of the city (there are SO many of you)... I love you all. 

Thank you to my teachers for fostering me. There are so many of you! Thank you Ananada Ashram (Nikki, David, Radha, Ma Bha, Bharati, Lauri and extended faculty) for being my spiritual home and for always inviting me in with open arms so that I can fill my cup again. Thank you Kelly Kamm for being the first to show me the ways of bhakti and for always being so open to sharing. Thank you to my fellow teachers for being so amazing, so loving... from sea to sea, all of you! 

Thank you to Guenevere Rodriguez for that one fateful afternoon you shared your time with me and acted as a catalyst for me to rocket myself to GODDESSdom. 

Thank to this beautiful Earth we have for all the beauty, splendor, mysteries, adventures, and lessons you continue to provide me every single country, city and town that I land into. 

Thank you for even the fleeting moments of connections my heart has made to hundreds, thousands of people. 

Thank you retreaters!!!! I am BLOWN away every time I think about it. It takes a lot of commitment and definitely that leap into the abyss to come along on an adventure. Thank you for coming... I hope to make this the trip of a lifetime for you. <3

Gratitude unlocks happiness and there is no happier kitten than this one!! 

Ladies, it's time to stand together.

We are all being called to stand together and to lift each other up, ladies.

It is a secret delight when I stand before a group of women who have invited me into their yoga practice. Most recently, I taught a class for Ivivva Lululemon in Market Mall.  When I look around, I see how we're all different. We represent different age groups, hail from different ethnicites, our levels of formal education are varied, hold different jobs and so much more. But there we are, against all odds... we got to the same place at the same time to do the same thing. That's a pretty magical thing, if you ask me.  

It is a conscious effort I continually make and have to keep myself in check with over and over... I make mistakes of course and I mess up just like everybody else. What I am referring to is the judgement that one woman passes to another. I have to catch myself the most during the Calgary Stampede, where this wee city of mine turns into an insane 10 day cowboy Las Vegas with no holds barred. 

It's so easy to pass judgement at that very moment based on how much that woman is drinking, how she does her make-up, how she's styled her hair, the clothes she's chosen to wear, etc... Suddenly, it's me versus her and it can get very nasty. 

Whoa, whoa, whoa. 

Let's take a step back. 

If I am to look into her eyes, if I am to open my heart to hear hers... I will know this. 

She has been through the same struggles I have. Just like me, she has experienced great heartbreak. Like me, she's experienced deep sorrow. Like me, she's woken up some days, looked in a mirror and didn't feel beautiful. She's actually just like me. 

So, it is time... to stand together, to lift each other higher and to encourage and help each other to not only acheive our dreams but to succeed beyond them.  

Love harder.  

The joys

Talking about our problems is certainly a great addiction. When we talk about our problems with friends and family, we get this immediate response of attention but it feeds back into a loop of a story that never really resolves itself.

I'm not suggesting that you bottle up the things that you really need to talk about to reach out for help but I am suggesting that you start to find a balance of what you talk about with your friends and family.

The celebration of life, your mini and large successes, the things that made you smile or laugh that day or even the thoughts that reminded you of great memories you have with special people.

What I think goes hand in hand with talking about your joys is gratitude.

SoulPancake did this great piece on the science of happiness... One of the greatest contributing factors of happiness is how much gratitude you show.

Just watch the video... And maybe go ahead and start breaking the habit!!!